Coley's Joy.

It's been about a month since I had the opportunity to post on this, so there's a lot of catch you up on:



-Cole has teeth! He now has four: the front two on both the top and bottom. The last one (the front bottom-left) just showed through yesterday. He continues to eat well, without question - though he sure does prefer those sweet potato dishes! :)


-We had a very gracious and fun visit with Matt, Ashley and the newest Cornelius: Teya Corbin. :) Both kids showed their personality quite well in that circumstance: Teya is definitely more docile, reserved and contemplative; Cole is an adventurous, curious, helpful show-off. (We even joked about future dating possibilities.)


-Cole is now walking, mostly while balancing himself by leaning upon things like tabletops and couch pillows. He took his first step with me unaided last Saturday (the 29th of September). Yesterday he took one unaided step towards me early in the visit* and then a little later he took two very large steps towards me before catching my shirt. :)


-He still loves picking out books from his bookcase. (Yes, I have that many kids' books: he gets the two whole lower shelves of my wider bookcase.) He also is still quite the vocal child, and his favorite phrase seems to be some variant of "dada", which also seems to be what he says most when he is excited and/or happy.


- He is also quite musical. He's figured out a number of toys and "mechanical" things (like the clasp of my metal watch), and he spends most of his time with that which plays music for him, like a musicbox his grandpa bought for him and a drum (although he had regularly been drumming on everything). So much fun!


-We still only see each other Wednesdays and Saturdays, during the day. There's been a number of things that have delayed this process, most of them entirely unfounded or unprofessional, but hopefully that will change this Wednesday and I can finally have him spend a night in his own crib here. But, who knows anymore. Nevertheless, I try to remain as optimistic and rational as is possible, and Cole and I never have a visit that's anything but full of fun and love. :)

Climbing.

Once again: Babe Time is the best time!

Cole can now crawl, climb, wrestle, eat solids, learn to drink from a sippy cup, chase cats, speak babble and a few very distinct words, and walk - aided by a platform to hold onto, of course!

Old King Cole: conquerer of Mt. Dad! :)

Today.

Today was full of restoring myself from yesterday's debacle. Today was filled with sleeping in, packing all my books (what a task!), and calling back potential employers, and my dad about a future visit of his down here for Cole. Today was spent looking for a navy blue kercheif for my favorite new article of clothing, my modern, three-button khaki sport coat. To no avail. Today was spent finally checking out Vroman's bookstore once more before leaving town for Monrovia, deciding to try coming there with Cole one day for their Saturday kids' books reading, and Sunday evening for live jazz. Today was spent in Borders stocking up rewards and discounts galore as I purchased copies of four of the books on my to-read list on goodreads.com, now my favorite website (which you could check out vicariously through a link if this place allowed html tag). Today was spent writing, lots of writing. Today was. I am spent.

Good News, Bad News

Bad News: Court got continued AGAIN, this time for another three weeks until the fourth of September, his nine-month birthday.

Good News: Mom confided in me during dinner that she never liked Lexi, and that she herself is a Christian, just not a strict one. Good thing, she could end up as fake as my ex-wife! :)

Confidences.

"Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest."

Ample advice at a time of vulnerable insecurity provides great comfort. Both facets are called "confidences".

Eight Months of Love!

Happy 8-month birthday my crawling, chasing cats, using tables to walk, laughing, talking, reading, really-sleepy-today baby! I love you!

Foolery.

Patronizing manipulation is worse than firey severance. Let me pursue what is mine in peace. Why can't they let me care for my son?

Suffice it to say.

Babe Day is the best day! :)

Nine o'clock, and all is well.

Nothing major to report; things I mentioned the last few days are still panning out.

Tomorrow is a Babe Day! Green beans and rice cereal ... mmmmm .... :)

Tastes change.

Today was the first day in weeks that I actually have had coffee instead of green tea. I appreciate the change, though I am reminded of the subtle accruances that led to my Coffea arabica hiatus.

In other news, I have begun writing again; at first an article or two, now finally a novel - this is the second one I have started. It will hopefully be one that I will finish, this time.

Living in Lit.

There is a new website that, when referred by me to it, my friend Andrea called a "MySpace for book lovers". And she was undeniably correct. It is called GoodReads and I have had a joyous time listing books that I've read and ones that I intend to know more about. It is easy to search for; it has become rather large in a quick time, from what I have noticed.

This poking around of mine, coupled with a new desire to find a better, more interesting (albeit perhaps more mainstream) line of work has led me to a number of options and a conglomeration of all my interests in one spot: caffeine, writing, literature, jazz, and a new schedule to accomodate my son. As long as I can find something that will allow me to insure (and hopefully more ensure) my son's health, I will consider the new job an improvement.

Andrea and I also had an interesting discussion about how much literature can really affect one's life, and the reasoning behind our own individual tastes in such. This led me to quite a bit of philosophic rambling (my personality has been returning for some time, and now I see is also solidifying), the conclusion of which being that I find very little value in a book that I cannot analyze, because I cannot then engage and learn from the values, situations, and characters in the book; and, while respecting them as such, then find out more about myself and continue to mature in the path set before me. So far, and I realize my type is always in the minority because my type is not the one existing on the basis of the specifically popular, this would explain why I have yet to really engage the Harry Potter craze on any kind of legitimately intellectual scale.

So be it: I am a literary rebel of the academic purview.

Old King Cole

"Old King Cole was a very old soul,
And a merry old soul was he ..."

Today was a wonderful day. Cole ate, and he ate a lot. Cole slept, and he slept a lot. Cole played, and crawled, and talked a lot (saying "daddy", and even "kitty" now). Cole hugged me, and he hugged me a lot. Cole smiled: a lot. In short, Cole was happy ... and very much so. :) He continues to amaze me at his adaptation, growth, ability, emotion, concentration, and contextual wisdom. What the best babe he is: King Cole!

Speech.

Talking to people about what you need is helpful.

(No, I did not give my notice at work, though I did reconnect with the placement agency I've worked through for a few years prior to this.)

Dismissing Threats

I am tired of being falsely accused and slandered without evidence.

My boss had the guts to translate through his daughter that I am "skipping around" in my classes (I am one of the most orderly people I know!), students aren't learning in my class (phone calls from parents, probably from students who don't want to learn in my class, and thus don't have anything to share with their parents - because they don't want to pay attention), and I don't "have the enthusiasm" to work there. All of these things are false and would have been proven as such by a simple check of my own log for work; and let's not forget to mention that most of the problems that my boss has with me are problems that he himself creates, both with his personal demeanor, decisions he makes to me that he forgets, his lack of order in schedule preparation for the summer session, and with his controlling what I teach and how in the first place. And did I mention that this was all random this morning, after being told just a week prior that I was not in any trouble at all?

Needless to say, since in addition to this I also don't have (a) a full-time schedule of available hours, (b) benefits of any kind whatsoever, and (c) much long-time security in the job itself, I have come to the conclusion after a few weeks of thinking that I really need to look for something else. If you see this, and you are so inclined, please pray that Cole will get whatever he needs whenever he needs it, and that I can continue being as stable a father as is humanly possible. As long as I am allowed to love him, I honestly care for nothing else at this point.

Cole-ossus Time!

It was time for Cole and I to have our usual homebody gallavant, and boy did it deliver:

-crawling actively and proficiently, with almost no margin of error and being topsy-turvy only for an abudance of energy, not for a lack of it

-eating (and finishing) peas when it was obvious he did not want them; his obedience I rewarded with the promise that he would not see them again for at least a short while

-laughter and the usual horseplay that only a father can accomplish safely with his child

-Cole adding a vowel to his usual babble, thereby making me even more proud that not only was his second word "dada" ("baba" being the first), but his first coherent multi-pallable word being "daddy"

-singings, huggings, and the other usual miracle stuffs



Ah, yes, and my eyes are getting used to the lenses now. I also realized today that I may have a subconscious reason for the frames that I chose: their color is one very close to the color of my son's hair.

The New

Today was, for the most part, uneventful outside of the normal realm. Work worked, potential moves were discussed (primarily with Cole in mind, of course), and I have become more used to my new glasses. With that adaptation, as I hinted at yesterday, I am somewhat surprised at how hard it used to be to see. Of course my right eye compensated well enough, but as I put to someone today: "I used to think most things were old; now I see that this was merely a by-product of my eyes' blur." The New can only be seen with help first coming from outside oneself.

I am unsure how Cole will react, but since he is showing most all the signs at this age of being a gifted child, he will be a tad confused depending on how much I wear them. After all, he even noticed when I got my haircut, and (A) that which was cut was not so much, and (B) he is only seven months, twenty days old. I suppose it might be appropriate to state that that which is new is best noticed by those who are of the same quality. :)

Here are a few very low-grade pictures of me now; the frames are a very nice and classic copper:

Always seeing ...

It is a tad amazing what happens when one is given a pair of glasses before one realizes they are needed.

A Switch

My weekly intake of communion acheived, I leave you with an affectionate personal adaptation of a childrens' song:

This lil' babe of mine,
I'm gonna let him shine,
This lil' babe of mine,
I'm gonna let him shine;

Let him shine, let him shine,
'Cause he's that babe of mine.

All in a day's fun.

Today Cole and I hung out; it was fantastical, as usual. Such the greatest babe he is! Smart, active, joyful, serious, intricate, sharp, cute, and so on.

He enjoyed his rice cereal, and the rest of his sweet potatoes today (in addition to the usual beverage), and he even crawls in the traditional manner (as opposed to merely pushing himself across the floor) for more than two feet! I was very proud of him today, but then I am always. He even reaches/crawls towards/cries/clings for me almost all the time I am around now. It is the type of thing that, if it is bad to enjoy it, it is even more enjoyable to insist on enjoying it. And I do. If anyone dare think to have the "Best Babe Ever awards", they should ne'er start, for I have already my perpetual winner.

Unexpected Rest

Today, I had the unexpected gift of a day off. The day off was unexpected, in that I did not know for sure if it would be as such until yesterday. The rest was unexpected, in that I did not know how nice it would be to have it until I woke up two hours after my normal alarm.

Tomorrow is what I have affectionately coined as a "Babe Day"; Cole and I get to visit once again. As per the usual, it will probably be filled with eating, sleeping, a baseball game, and lots of encouraging and challenging play-time. Yay, babe-time!

In other news: all is normal.

A Day Yet Off.

So, after much planning and finagling, it turns out I am not to go to Magic Mountain with the kids. This, I found, while not ultimately disappointing, seemed to be a prime example of the mediocrity of a "puppet democracy":

The kids were to fill out three things; one, three favorite teachers (in order), second, personal best friends at the Academy (which I believe had room for four or five), and lastly, a preference for the kind of ride to be enjoyed (with such classic terms as "scary" and "not scary", in addition to another category which has failed to stick in my memory). I glanced at one of these slips from a student, who very nicely and surprisingly put me first on the teacher list. A further surprise was that quite a number of my students followed suit and at least put me second in preference. However, the mediocrity came when it was revealed that the teachers going (to say nothing poor of my colleagues, mind you) were in fact none teachers), Gina is unable for some physical reason, and John could not have made of the three teachers that anyone higher than 7th grade put on their slips. Isabelle and I were told we couldn't go (we are the HS and SAT English it in any event. In an interesting side thought, it seems a curious thing - and perhaps a pragmatic one as well - that the teachers who are going all know Korean. (Despite my learning basic phrases, I still cannot hold a conversation. Isabelle, obviously fluent in English, is also Mandarin; John is Vietnamese.)

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In other news, I love my green tea. It's helpful for metabolism, digestion, anti-oxidation, skin renewal, blood pressure, diabetes (which, worry not, I do not possess), and even male-pattern baldness (which, sadly, I do already possess - a fact which is not lost on my most playful students). In addition to this, it is also low in caffeine, which also aids in my making sure I stay perfectly well-hydrated without losing the health benefits of other naturally caffeinated beverages.

And yes, I did initially find the "grass juice" taste something to acquire rather than enjoy immediately.

Ja, ne!

Need.

Pros and cons for the day:

Pro: Seeing Cole for most of the day.
Con: Not seeing him enough.

Pro: Having a place to live, where Cole has enough room to sleep and be a babe, doin' that babe-time stuff.
Con: Trying to figure out when would be the best time to move, if at all.

Pro: Having a wonderfully rewarding job.
Con: Realizing I needed to write all the monthly tests for my classes tonight because Friday is a field trip day.

Pro: The ability to continually engage my interest in biological stuffs.
Con: Regretting not being a geneticist, paleontologist, or even using my philosophy major for scientific purposes.

Pro: Gaining a time this morning to meditate and relax, rather than just throwing up prayers.
Con: Wondering if I can replace most other time with it.

Pro: Receiving a card from my church family about keeping Cole and I in their care.
Con: None.

What is Life?

A new topic today, one with fervor: define life.

Oh, it's true, many different groups have their own definitions; many individuals, too, the actions of which definition are promptly followed by the colloquial phrase, "Ah, now this is the life." But if one were to examine the details honestly, to really find out what it is that makes people move and pursue, yearn and act, the question can oft be one of very great difficulty. What does it mean, not to be "living", but merely to be "alive"? Is it a system of complex sub-systems, or a functioning protease akin to pre-biological mixtures of chemists' dreams? A heart-beat? A mind? What if both of these are unideal? Something able to be self-sufficient? That's a lofty goal, considering that which is purely self-sufficient (in a philosophic sense) would need nothing else around it to exist, but in order to exist it had to come from what existed prior to itself, which was almost indubitably inanimate.

To be quite frank, I am asking what one would put in the dictionary (without looking at what exists there now) as the definition to the term "life". So:

Life (n.): ____________________________________________________________


Have fun.

Things of recent note.

Things to note for the day:

+ Being busy on this day may not provide one with enough rest for the remainder of the week, categorically speaking.
+ A fifteen-minute haircut for fifteen dollars leaves a delightful feeling about the relationship between quality & efficiency.
+ I enjoy wearing my polo-shirts' collars up.
+ Cities have actually been proven, both from a biological and physiological viewpoint, to be more economically and environmentally friendly than less crowded areas - in almost the same bio-physical exponential ratio as animal mass to energy conversion.
+ The Giants losing once more does not in the least bit deter my desire to choose a Giants sippy-cup for my son's new high chair. (Which is also complete with its own removable dishwasher-safe food tray! Can anyone say "eating safari"?)

+ The look that my son gives above fills me with an immeasurable sense of both confidence and pride. That boy will not be deterred from living; he wants to thrive at all costs. It's the same look I get when even thinking about caring for and protecting him. (On a side note: the pictures of my son are getting far higher in both quantity and quality, and I am growing more certain about the fact that I will one day have not only photo albums and photo CD cases, but also zip drives full of them as well.)

On Reward

A Chopin waltz is wonderful on a long drive home; realizing that one has done what is good at one's place of departure is just as intangible. Teaching is always rewarding in its own right, I have found, and I know I have reached a sense of efficacy within it when I have random moments of satisfaction derived from untraceable but definite causes.

Watching a young adult grow and realize their own identity is full of both awe and an almost parental sense of pride: the latter because one senses innately that the person is now reaching the place of potential self-awareness and growth, the former because one knows intrinsically that that same person is both the one being taught and the one teaching. The one teaching not only reverberates the growth in the pupil, but also notices within oneself something not unlike a kind of internal psychological time-travel. Awareness has come not just from one's growth in the present moment, nor the rejoicing with the students' own growth, but also with the teacher's first awareness about the connectedness of life when they were a student themselves.

This is what it means to be rewarded: to find in oneself the benefit of one's neighbor.

Thoughts on An Affective Universe

"We can only infer and imagine the nature of our own consciousness by reflecting off others, much like light bouncing off a mirror."

I currently receive a magazine in the mail in a bi-monthly fashion, by the nomenclature of Seed. It is a periodical mostly on the social-interest scale for those who have found a taking to scientific stuffs. Cosmology, Physics, Biology, Chemistry, even Linguistic theory and the like are interacted with, presented in a most easily digestible format. There are many other magazines that provide this, to be sure, but I suppose there just happened to be something about this particular one that grabbed my interest; perhaps having to do with the chief editor having a background in biological study.

In any event, a story I read in one of these other magazines while I was deciding which one to bring home was somewhat reiterated in this current issue: the notion of an affective universe. When I use this term, I mean a simple "rule" that I believe is well known to at least most chemists and physicists, but I could be incorrect: namely, that the mere interaction between observer and observed somehow leaves both changed, such that the original state is never fully observable in the first place. The typical knowledge of the nature of an electron's path around atomic mass is the simplest example of this. When one seeks to find an electron, one must resign to the fact that it could be anywhere at all, and that when one does find it, the original path can never be regained.

What I find most interesting about this, and about all things scientific in general, is how well the basic principles discovered therein can be adequately represented and found in macrocosm, either in the universe itself or simply in how us fragile and intricately beautiful humans interact. When you meet someone, your impression of them is fixed on your mind, and vice versa. Once you somehow engage with that other consciousness, it is clear at least at this point in history and scientific evolution or what-have-you, whatever either of you has experienced before your meeting each other will never be fully experienced across conscious lines. What you can be assured of, however, is also that neither of you will be the same.

In the words of Langston Hughes: "I am a part of you just as you are a part of me."

Hellos.

After much digressing and an indirect reminder from an old friend, I have decided to attempt to start blogging again, although in a much different fashion than previous attempts. True, I may find myself once again at a loss for what to say, but this hopefully will come because of the normal, everyday boredom, and not for reasons forced upon me from the outside-in.

Kids have turned out to be quite the support. The kids I teach are more than personable, if not innocent, at least each with their own unique and special personalities. My own son (a.k.a. "Best Babe Ever") has been more of a stabilizer than even I could have imagined through the last year or so of my life.

I suppose, then, that you might call this blog a kind of further support, the offspring of a number of differing causes, all crucial in their own right and proceeding to make this quite the chance happening. Only that which is fragile can display beauty.